Get fruity! A mashed banana or peaches inserted in your vagina is a delightful invitation for him to whoosh his penis around in it! Once you climax, switch to 69 position for sweet afters.

Cosmopolitan Ultimate Sex Guide. (via ahhellobeautiful-)

That’s fucking gross, Cosmo

(via ivyyy)

Hahahahahahahahahahahaha OH COSMO! This is so hot, I’ll totally be doing it tonight~

(via disgustinghuman)

i just gagged.

(via sexisbeautiful)

the phrase “delightful invitation for him to whoosh his penis around” just made me choke on air

(via taniada)

Do….Do women actually consider shoving food into their vags? I’m terrified.

(via robertbowiebuttsex)

What.

(via freshfeminism)

Food fetishes are one thing, but this is just plain bad.

(via squishie)

wow mashed banana how sexy and not at all like baby food

(via roranicus)

but why peaches though? 

(via theatomicboom)

Um. Could you imagine trying to clean that out? Just eww. Jizz covered fruit also does not sound at all appeasing. 
And what if he doesn’t show up? It’s not like you can bend over and eat the fruit out yourself. Not that you would want to…I’ll just end this thought here.
And I may never be able to eat a banana again without the phrase “He can whoosh his penis around it!” popping into my head. Thanks, Cosmo. Seriously. 

(via the-abcs-of-life)

LMAO I AM DYING AT THE COMMENTARY

(via theoceanandthesky)

notice how cosmo’s sex tips are all about his pleasure?

(via icedteaandlemoncake)

I threw up into my mouth a little.

(via genderbitch)

this is the best thing ive seen on tumblr for a long time.  lmao.  fruitarians unite!

(via guerrillamamamedicine)

YEAST INFECTIONS ARE HOT TRUFAX…

Does anyone at that magazine actually have or have ever met a vagina?

Cosmo is full of pussy haters.

(via nudiemuse)

Whoosh my WHAT in WHAT??

(via radicallyhottoff)

brb becoming nun to stave off trauma

(via isabelthespy)

I just had the following text message exchange with Ian:

“Hey, so I was just reading this hot sex tip from Cosmo: ‘Get fruity! A mashed banana or peaches inserted in your vagina is a delightful invitation for him to whoosh his penis around in it! Once you climax, switch to 69 position for sweet afters.’ What do you think? Is this something you’d like to try?”

“Wouldn’t the sugar in the juices be infectiony?”

“Um, yes. Please tell me you did not think I was seriously suggesting that you woosh your penis around inside my banana filled vagina.”

“No, I was just worried that you’d started reading Cosmo.”

(via thecurvature)

prince is not amused
Prince is staring in disbelief and disgust.

(via fuckyeahfeminists)

(via socalfeminist19)

(via feministslut)

Mmmm. Smushy vag fruits. Uh, hell no?

(via fuckingbraindead)

Oh my god I cannot breathe

Fucking Cosmo, man…god damn.

(via -nerdangel)

What the fuck did I just read?!!??!!? I have enough discomfort with Tampons, who the fuck wants to STICK FRUIT UP THERE!!!!!

(via ohmydracomalfoy)

lol wat.

(via disasterpiecee)

I have this “gross-out” competition with my friend. So far, I am winning with this quote.

(via sciencetodo)

This is still gross.

(via theatomicboom)

whoosh his penis. I am dying.

(via imsogangstaimsothug)

Yeah no the only phallic shaped thing going into my vag is a penis. Sorry.

(via organicgaykisses)

CRYING AT THIS POST

(via cracktastic)

UHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

WUT

(via foreveralogan)

Damn, someone beat me to it with the Tennant gif…

I AM FUCKING DYING. HOLY JESUS, THIS IS GOLD.

(via busybee6363)

Keeping a straight face while reading this at work was a Herculean effort.  Seriously.  You don’t even KNOW.  8|

(via notcuddles)

This is the funniest series of commentary in the world.

Also, Cosmo, why switch to 69? Is that the only kind of oral sex I’m allowed to have.

(via calecake)

Yeah I need to reblog this again because the commentary is just too good to pass up. Also I don’t think “whoosh” and “penis” should really go together, or inside anyone’s orifice(s).

(via torayot)

Reblogging again for the hilarious commentary. And how this quote fills my brain with immense amounts of fuck.

(via genderbitch)

Related:

1. “It really sucks when a woman handles your manhood with care.”

No, it doesn’t. There is no part of our body we want you to be intentionally negligent with. Even if it’s our shins we’re talking about here, handle them with care. And when it comes to our genitals, multiply that by one thousand.

2. “Ladies, our units aren’t that sensitive.”

Ladies, go watch an old episode of America’s Funniest Home Videos. See how the guy doubles over and nearly vomits when hit with a light, plastic wiffleball? Yes, our units are fucking that sensitive.

3. “We need you to get a little rough with them—squeeze hard, suck hard, really grab onto it like you’re milking a cow. You may think you’re hurting him, but I guarantee if you asked, he’d request more, more.”

That last bit is your best clue. “I guarantee if you asked…” No need to ask before you abuse his junk, ladies! Just assume he’ll answer in the affirmative. His screaming means it’s working!

Oh dear god why would someone think that this is a good idea!

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